“We have a guest who needs a doctor. Are you available?”
My tone was businesslike, but joy filled my heart. The caller was the Renaissance which never called. Acquiring a competitor’s hotel is a rare and delightful event.
A male voice answered after two rings. “There’s something in my eye.”
“Tell me what happened,” I said.
“It’s no big deal. If you give me tweezers, I’ll take it out myself.”
“You mean it’s visible?”
“There’s a sliver stuck in my eyeball… Don’t tell me to go to a hospital. I’ll sign anything. Come to the room. Or get me tweezers.”
He interrupted my response.
“No hospital! No emergency room! Bring legal documentation to protect your liability. I’ll sign. I need you to look at my hand. It’s been broken for two weeks. Come alone. Don’t bring any FBI or CIA.”
I called the concierge to report that this was a matter for the police or paramedics. She admitted that the guest was causing a disturbance.
Sadly, I realized that the Renaissance was not changing doctors. Hotels hate dealing with crazy, drunk, or disruptive guests. When the regular doctor refused to come, the staff, in desperation, began calling other doctors in hopes that one would make the problem go away. This happens once or twice a year.
About Mike Oppenheim
Doctor Oppenheim has been a hotel doctor in Los Angeles for thirty years. He has made about 15,000 visits. Authors contact: